Three and a Half Minutes of Fame

The funny thing about fulfilling a lifelong wish is that you never think about the After Happily Ever After. As I’ve said before, I’ve been dreaming about being on The Today Show’s sets since I was a teenager, long before I was a food writer, associate creative director, advertising copy writer, past life regressionist (don’t ask), waiter (read: actor), college student. Don’t get me wrong—it was more than I ever imagined it to be.

Ah, but what bedlam these three and a half minutes hath wrought. (Thirty seconds were shaved from my initial four minutes, hence the change in the post’s title. But, hey, who’s counting? I made the most of every single one of those 210 seconds.)
So, the breakdown: Renee, Cindi, The One, and I were met precisely at 7:30 a.m. by a Lexus limo that whisked us to the side door of the Today Show. Adrienne, one of NBCs pages, escorted us into the green room, where my entourage hung out while I went upstairs to the studio kitchen to prep for the segment, with Bianca Henry (food stylist extraordinaire) and Lish, her assistant. Not long after, Adrienne ushered Renee, Cindi, and The One into the studio, where we proceeded to take far too many pictures. Read more “Three and a Half Minutes of Fame” »

Four Minutes of Fame, Part II

Read Part I
Things have gotten a little weird around here since I posted the Today Show announcement on Monday. I’ve been inundated with requests, pleas, bribes, and other such tomfoolery in order to worm out of me the name of Ms. Producer A. But I shall not cave! Think about it: She and I have never met. At the moment, she’s a blinking cursor on the screen, the sum of her e-mails, the voice on the other end of the line. Why, then, would I pass out her name willy nilly, like business cards at a car dealership convention? Plus, it’d be obvious who divulged her secret e-mail address. No, discretion is the better part of valor. And although I’m not exactly the most discreet of persons, I shall remain so in this regard.

That aside, some more details leading up to my national debut. In a phone call with Ms. Producer A, I found out that a car will pick up The One, Renee Schettler Rossi, Cindi Kruth (my TV assistant) and me—yes, I have a posse—at 7:30 on Monday morning and drive us to Rockefeller Plaza. That’s all of 30 blocks—I could walk it—but I love the feeling of being important, even if it’s for just 1 1/2 miles. Like I’ve always said: I was born to have staffs and staffs of people to do my every bidding. Apparently, though, God never got the memo. Read more “Four Minutes of Fame, Part II” »

Four Minutes of Fame, Part I

hinted at it. I accidentally blurted it out.  But finally, I’m able to talk about it in all its glorious, fabulous details. On Monday, March 22nd, I’ll be on the “Today Show.”

The interesting thing is I’ve been plotting this for 33 years.

When I was a junior in high school, we were going on a field trip to New York City. At that time I was gaga for anything NYC, partly because I grew up in a town with fewer than 10,000 residents—and that included cows, chicken, cats, dogs, and guinea pigs. And partly because I wanted to be an actor. Although I lived only 3 hours away by train, I had never been to the center of the universe, but I was dying to go. There were two options for the field trip: a tour of the United Nations (how boring) or a tour of the “Today Show” set. I knew where I was going. But on the morning of the trip, while the buses idled in front of the school, we waited, and waited, and waited. Eventually we were told the trip was off. (I think it had something to do with liability.) I went to chemistry class completely and utterly bereft.

I thought the stages of NBC were forever out of my reach. Read more “Four Minutes of Fame, Part I” »