I know, I know. This image looks familiar. You’re tired of seeing snow on my blahg. I’m tired of seeing snow out my window. It just doesn’t stop. I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore! And this is coming from a dyed-in-the-wet-wool-socks snow lover.
If I were a kid again and my father were shoveling the walk and snow-blowing the driveway while I stood in the doorway, a cup of hot chocolate warming my hands, instructing him in the proper method of snow removal, everything would be fine.
But now it’s me who has to clean that son-of-a-bitch-ing walkway, knock snow off the huge yew bushes with a too-short broom. And worst of all, carry bags of seeping, malodorous trash over snowbanks at least as tall as me–not very successfully, I might add. (You try getting the stains and stenches of soured milk, rendered duck fat, and a moldering chicken from the back of the fridge out of your only winter jacket, and then look me in the eye and say, “But it’s so pretty outside, David.”)
I don’t give a rat’s ass if it’s pretty and cozy and safe. My detestation of manual labor and laundering has far outstripped my love of the white stuff.
I never thought I’d say this, but I want heat. I want sticky sweat on the back of my neck. I want long–long as in vernal-equinox-long–days. Hell, I’d even cut the grass with the push lawnmower if it meant I didn’t have to go through another winter like this.
Of course, the biggest joke is that I’m trapped in this house and I can’t even make some of those incredible snowbound dishes like Blizzard Beef, Roast Pork in Milk, or Roast Chicken with Pancetta and Olives. No, Brilliant Me didn’t go shopping to prepare for the storm, because as of bedtime last night, nary a snowflake had fallen. So instead I’m stuck with Lean Cuisines, ancient frozen skinless chicken breasts, and a few boxes of pasta from Eataly–and no sauce. (Note to self: Tell The One what a genius idea it was to clean out the pantry, fridge, and freezer before we went away to Charleston for a long weekend.)
Oh, go ahead, ignore me. It’s fine. I’ll just sit here in the dark and bitch. Oh yeah, didn’t I mention the power went out again? At least I have Devil Cat to keep me warm.
I just got through reading your blawg out lout to my ‘The One’……… he laughed his ass off as did I actually. NOT laughing at your predicament, but rather at your up front and out front writing style – love it. I WILL have to add here though we are from Canada – actually South Western Ontario – and right now the ground is almost bare – I think the high today was 40F or there abouts. Seems like you folks are getting the ‘nasty shit’ thrown at you while we ‘up north’ are enjoying the balmy weather. I’m not going to complain about that at all – have not lost power this winter, nor have we had, what I’d call, a heavy snow. GO FIGURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I will get you, Ivan. I will get you. This winter alone we lost power countless times and have been in the dark for days on end. I promised myself I wouldn’t move to Canada if Mitt Romney became president. Now I’ll have move to Canada if we have another winter like this. I have good friends in New Brunswick and Toronto!
I must admit – we live in the ‘banana belt’ of the region. Usually get very mild winters but make up for it in the more than humid summers. That being said, wouldn’t trade it. I’m sure you’d be more than welcome if you ever decided to uproot and head this side of the border. Know Toronto fairly well – that’s where ‘my the one’ is from – however have not made it out to the Maritimes – YET! Hope the situation is improving for you – it’s ONLY supposed to get to 5 or 6 C here today – that’s about 41 F I think. YEAH YEAH – I know still rubbin it in!!!! LOL
Lean Cuisines?! Who are you?
A Weight Watcher shell of my former self.
Clearly the only option is to mix yourself a nice cocktail and ride it out. What are you drinking?
Well, I wanted to drink the newly christened Fatty Daddy cocktail, but I don’t have all the ingredients. (Jesus, this is embarrassing.)