For God’s Sake, Stop It!

Snow, Snow, Snow
Click me for a panorama of winter panic

I know, I know. This image looks familiar. You’re tired of seeing snow on my blahg. I’m tired of seeing snow out my window. It just doesn’t stop. I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore! And this is coming from a dyed-in-the-wet-wool-socks snow lover. If I were a kid again and my father were shoveling the walk and snow-blowing the driveway while I stood in the doorway, a cup of hot chocolate warming my hands, instructing him in the proper method of snow removal, everything would be fine. But now it’s me who has to shovel that son-of-a-bitch-ing walkway, knock snow off the huge yew bushes with a too-short broom, and worst of all, carry bags of seeping, malodorous trash over snowbanks at least as tall as me–not very successfully, I might add. (You try getting the stains and stenches of soured milk, rendered duck fat, and a moldering chicken from the back of the fridge out of your only winter jacket, and then look me in the eye and say, “But it’s so pretty outside, David.”) I don’t give a rat’s ass if it’s pretty and cozy and safe. My detestation of manual labor and laundering has far outstripped my love of the white stuff. 

I never thought I’d say this, but I want heat. I want sticky sweat on the back of my neck. I want long–long as in vernal-equinox-long–days. Hell, I’d even cut the grass with the push lawnmower if it meant I didn’t have to go through another winter like this. Of course, the biggest joke is that I’m trapped in this house and I can’t even make some of those incredible snowbound dishes like Blizzard Beef, Roast Pork in Milk, or Roast Chicken with Pancetta and Olives. No, Brilliant Me didn’t go shopping to prepare for the storm, because as of bedtime last night, nary a snowflake had fallen. So instead I’m stuck with Lean Cuisines, ancient frozen skinless chicken breasts, and a few boxes of pasta from Eataly–and no sauce. (Note to self: Tell The One what a genius idea it was to clean out the pantry, fridge, and freezer before we went away to Charleston for a long weekend.)

Oh, go ahead, ignore me. It’s fine. I’ll just sit here in the dark and bitch. Oh yeah, didn’t I mention the power went out again? At least I have Devil Cat to keep me warm.

David Leite's signature

Comments

  1. Hopefully the last of our snow from the past two weeks will finish melting this weekend. I too am Sooooo sick of it. Now they’re going to mess with my body clock with the stupid daylight savings time. Time for us to revolt & put an end to this craziness!

    1. I don’t know why, Dorothy, but I never think of Kansas as a snowy place. Tornados, yes, snow, no. And as far as DST, I hope you stayed in bed an extra hour….

      1. Luckily “tornado alley” has moved south & we have far fewer twisters than years ago. We got 20+” of snow in a week this year. I had no problem paying for hunky guys to shovel me out – twice! It’s going to be 60 on Saturday. In KS we say “if you don’t like the weather, wait a day and it will change.”

  2. That older can of beans + broth + a carrot + a potato + chicken + pasta = soup. Just run back out into the yucky snow and throw a cast iron pot on the grill with those ingredients, shut the cover and set the timer. That is if your grill runs on gas and isn’t empty. Pantry dinner! ;0

    1. That’s a great idea, but there is no broth, no carrot, and no potato. The grill is propane, and the tanks were brought to the store in the fall. Yes, I’m in that proverbial creek without that proverbial paddle.

          1. Well, I’m almost embarrassed to say that despite today’s welcome 50 degree weather, a fully stocked pantry and fridge and absolutely no excuse NOT to cook, that we had take-out Chili from Wendy’s….. But ‘m saving the included saltine crackers for the next snow storm. ;0

  3. I just got through reading your blawg out lout to my ‘The One’……… he laughed his ass off as did I actually. NOT laughing at your predicament, but rather at your up front and out front writing style – love it. I WILL have to add here though we are from Canada – actually South Western Ontario – and right now the ground is almost bare – I think the high today was 40F or there abouts. Seems like you folks are getting the ‘nasty shit’ thrown at you while we ‘up north’ are enjoying the balmy weather. I’m not going to complain about that at all – have not lost power this winter, nor have we had, what I’d call, a heavy snow. GO FIGURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but I will get you, Ivan. I will get you. This winter alone we lost power countless times and have been in the dark for days on end. I promised myself I wouldn’t move to Canada if Mitt Romney became president. Now I’ll have move to Canada if we have another winter like this. I have good friends in New Brunswick and Toronto!

      1. I must admit – we live in the ‘banana belt’ of the region. Usually get very mild winters but make up for it in the more than humid summers. That being said, wouldn’t trade it. I’m sure you’d be more than welcome if you ever decided to uproot and head this side of the border. Know Toronto fairly well – that’s where ‘my the one’ is from – however have not made it out to the Maritimes – YET! Hope the situation is improving for you – it’s ONLY supposed to get to 5 or 6 C here today – that’s about 41 F I think. YEAH YEAH – I know still rubbin it in!!!! LOL

Have something to say?

Then tell us. Have a picture you'd like to add to your comment? Attach it below. And as always, please take a gander at our comment policy before posting.

Upload a picture of your dish