This tactful treatise is David Leite's attempt to school the rest of us on the right way to communicate with a fat person.

David explains how you--yes, you—can come to understand the breadth, importance, and uniqueness of your life.

David details how he HATES to fly—save for those quiet and contemplative moments when he flies off into the sunrise.

Yep. We smoked, pickled, and fried these spuds. And we've no regrets. David divulges—and indulges—all in this blog post.

David divulges why he bothers to make his own ingredients, from breakfast sausage to, well, you'll just have to read about it.

David reveals his gratitude to the late, great Julia for all that she gave him. (Hint: It was a heck of a lot more than kitchen know-how.)

David measures his friends on how true, honest, and kind they are—and how superlative their baking skills. His friend Cindi measures up.

Guess who David blames for his inability to be the epitome of calm in the hours leading up to Thanksgiving dinner? (Hint: Not himself.)

David reveals his pie-crimping obsession and admits he's been outcrimped by baker Libbie Summers and her 20 cool and classy pie crust tactics.

David continues where he left off, recounting what happened after he found an intruder in his rental house while on vacay in Maine.

David knew that crab, lobster, corn, and blueberries awaited him and The One on their Maine vacay. But that's not all....

After 594 contracter hours, David emerges from the dust and despair of renovating to show off his new kitchen.

David mourns the loss of his beloved cats, Chloe and Raja, and anticipates life without them. Kleenex required.

In the midst of his kitchen renovation, David rediscovers some remnants from the moving-in party he threw.

It didn't take long for the honeymoon phase of David's kitchen renovation to be over...and for insanity to set in.

David divulges his teenage servitude on a farm and, decades later, attempts to grow veggies from seed. This oughta be interesting.

When David decides to renovate the kitchen in Connecticut, he does so with his usual flair for the dramatic.

You've not "made it" until you've an eponymous cocktail all your own. Witness the Fatty Daddy, a sweetly surprising number that packs a punch, just like our own dear David.

Stop it. Please just stop it. Make it go away. Pretty please. [Editor's Note: A rant by David about the recent deluge of white stuff.]

Our very own David Leite shares his Ina Garten story, explaining how they first met and how he may--or may not have--gushed at his idol while trying to keep his cool.